


Before You Go

by loveatthirdsight



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, First Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3301199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveatthirdsight/pseuds/loveatthirdsight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He kicks the trash can in disgust. He shouldn't care, goddammit.</p><p>But he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before You Go

_Kiss me hard before you go_   
_Summertime sadness_   
_I just wanted you to know_   
_That, baby, you're the best_

_\- Lana del Rey, "Summertime Sadness"_

-x-

Everyone else is excited for her, God knows why, but he's sick of people reminding him of it.

In a few days, she's going to go. For an indefinite amount of time. She's moving on from Edo and him and everybody who's given a damn about her.

Her reasons are that she's grown up and she needs to make a living. And this opportunity is good. She'll help other planets out by killing space monsters for a living. And maybe she'll get to re-connect with that bastard of a father, uh-huh.

He kicks the trash can in disgust. He shouldn't care, goddammit.

But he does.

-x-

What truly sucks is that she's grown up to transcend the childish insults and the petty bullshit that used to fuel a lot of their bickering back in the old days. So he can't even get her attention walking through the park with a dung beetle with promises to destroy all her insect pets.

No, instead he watches her interact with Yorozuya clients around the city; lately she's been doing a lot of freelancing work on her own and surprisingly she can be mature and competent about it when she's not around that lazy permed guy. He guesses it's because she's seventeen and not a kid anymore, but even that's fucking obvious to anyone who's known her as long as he has.

He doesn't want this (whatever the fuck this is) to be another repeat of what happened to his older sister. The last thing he needs is to pine away for somebody who might not even give a damn about him.

But the truth - the irrevocable, ugly truth - lies in front of him: she won't miss him a bit.

-x-

She is gloriously beautiful and out of reach for mortals like him. She's never reciprocated her affection towards him and he doesn't blame her, because she is too strong and proud for stubborn assholes like him. He can understand Hijikata better now than he did when Mitsuba died. Men cannot bear the scorn of the women they love, and so they keep away with their mouths shut. Only the lucky ones - Kondo, for example - can wear down a stone with hearts on their sleeves.

He wondered when he had ever grown attached. A young handsome man like him - he used to be fine with picking up any girl his fancy struck him - but now it was different, now Kagura was beautiful and utterly feminine and whatever confidence he used to have in regards to the female gender have left momentarily when he was front of her. Bravado and brash words don't work - she's too smart for that now. So he simply observes from afar and he was content with that before she had announced to the entire Kabuki-chou district that she's going to space. Space! The realm far beyond the Shinsengumi's jurisdiction. Beyond a place where he could take a fifteen minutes' walk and see her walking Sadaharu like a familiar tourist attraction.

His heart is turning blacker and colder, and he knows why.

-x-

After abusing his unit for the umpteenth time when someone has triggered his temper, Hijikata doesn't even knock on his compound room - he just walks in without asking for his permission. Both of them know it's to deliver a lecture but it doesn't make it any less pleasant for either of them.

"Sougo, I'm gonna make you commit hara-kiri if you continue this bullshit."

"What bullshit?" Sougo asks, his eyebrows raised. Hijikata doesn't raise to the bait, but points to Harada, swinging his bokuto for the three-thousandth time outside of the dojo.

"Wear your men out and we won't be able to protect the city the way we need to," Hijikata says. "If you're upset, take it out somewhere else."

"... Fine." He hates that he's growing older - he can't justify his immaturity anymore. He's twenty one and the captain of the Shinsengumi's first division. He's a man, not a boy, but there are days where he still wants to fight dung beetles against a familiar China princess and maybe bitch to her about his job. Things like that.

But the space between them has grown wider. He doesn't know how to be cordial - no one ever taught him those things. No one's ever taught him to be nice and fun and all those things that make up a proper boyfriend; he's pissed off everyone around him, including her. He's not stupid enough to engage her again - he's going to screw up and it'll be even worse. So it might be better if she goes away and both of them forget about each other. It's not as if she likes him anyway, he thinks, and grips his pen so hard his knuckles turn white.

-x-

"Hey, I'd knew I'd find you around here," she says. He pulls off his sleeping mask and a shot of adrenaline rushes through his blood when he sees that it's Kagura.

She's too fucking beautiful for her own good. Clear skin, eyes bluer than the ocean, red fiery hair that reaches down to the middle of her back. He grips his palms and nearly wipes the sweat away on his jacket because he's pathetic.

"What d'ya want with me, China?" he asks, and he's relieved to hear that he sounds more disdainful rather than nervous.

"Oh, well, I just thought it was kind of lonely, not seeing you for a week." She smiles and he really hates that his stomach goes flip flop around her. "I'm leaving in three days, y'know? I'll miss our fights, uh-huh."

"Aaah, there's no point in being sentimental," he replies, looking away.

Suddenly she sits down next to him. "Sadist, why have you been ignoring me all week? You skipped out on my goodbye party - and even that Gorilla man attended."

"Kondo wanted to see Otae-san, you know that."

"But he said he'd miss seeing me fight with you, uh-huh! So don't lie! He even gave me a clay statue of a gorilla!"

"I was on patrol shift."

That shuts her up, but only for a second before she punches him into the ground.

"Don't be a coward! You never stay awake on your damn shifts!" Kagura yells at him. Fuming, she stalks off, mind intent on buying sukonbu or girly shojou mangas to take this stupid boy off her mind. He doesn't even have the decency to follow her, to say "Hey wait!" - not that she expected it anyway, but still! This was ridiculous. When she crosses the street, she finally gives in and looks behind her, but Sougo's still lying on the ground, not moving.

-x-

In the midst of one last Ladies 4 marathon involving Gintoki and Shinpachi for the last time, she fights the urge to cry. At end of the season finale, even Shinpachi is blowing his nose into a tissue. Gintoki, on the other hand, just looks away, swiping his finger across his eyelid.

Kagura was wrapped securely in misery. She'd been watching the show, the familiar soap opera antics, with a strange sadness.

"Kid, I'm gonna miss you," is what Gin-chan finally says once he picks up the remote and turns off the TV.

Kagura burst into tears. Both of the men are alarmed.

"O-oi, save the theatrics for tomorrow," Shinpachi says nervously, patting her on the head. Kagura sobs even harder. The men give her ten seconds before they panic.

"Kagura-chan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! Except for boys! Why are boys so stupid, Gin-chan?"

"Who is the boy in question?" the samurai enquires gingerly, handling her a box of tissues.

"A stupid SADIST, THAT'S WHO - " she roars, nearly upending the coffee table in front of the couch. For a moment, she stops crying, surprised that she's blurted out the source of the problem so bluntly. But then Gintoki reaches out to touch her forehead so calmly, that it makes her tear up all again.

"Sometimes, people are afraid," he said. "Sometimes they're afraid of telling someone how they really feel."

"But why?" she asked, lips trembling. "I'm honest, aren't I?"

"Not everyone's like you, wearing your heart on your sleeve." Shinpachi is lecturing her, but it's more of a brotherly affection than the sting of a reproach.

"So, I say, if you really want to get this resolved Kagura-style... "

"... Then I should go talk to him..." she said slowly.

She wipes her tears off with the back of her hand, and runs out the door. Gintoki sighs and hopes she won't destroy the Shinsengumi compound.

-x-

There are a few things that haven't changed. One is that she's absolutely shameless, and though she spares the front gate damage, leaping across the wall nimbly with the skill of a thief, she yells out, "OI! SADIST! COME OUT, I WANNA TALK TO YOU!"

A light turns on.

Okita looks at her, with all the disdain that he can muster in his pajamas. It's highly unfortunate that she doesn't buy it. She walks up to him and raises her fist.

I'm gonna punch him, she thinks. I'm gonna kill this bastard for being a dumbass.

He doesn't move.

And suddenly, the energy saps out of her. She's seventeen, not fourteen. She's done with this, this  _thing_  of pretending that whatever is between them will remain the same old friendly, yet belligerent, bickering.

So instead of knocking him into several buildings, she decides that kissing him is a much better idea, and withdraws her fist. She lands her lips on his.

He tenses up, but still - she is insistent, even if she's bad with these romantic type of things. When she leans back, she says, "Loser," quietly, like she's won. Turning her back, she sighs. At least she has tied up one loose string.

"I'll write you letters, Sadist."

"You better," he finally chokes out. "You better write me one every damn week, China."

-x-

At the Edo terminal, he shows up in his casual clothes, having requested to take the day off. In fact not a lot of people are here to send her off, after all, that's the reason why she's already thrown a departure party the week before. During the day, most everybody else is working.

He catches her when she excuses herself from the grip of her family to go to the bathroom. "Hey."

"Oh - hey." She grins and holds up her cell. "Got your text."

For the first time in their lives they're finally smiling at each other, and it's a damn shame that he's on the cusp of losing her again. But this is how they'll make up for the lost time. At a distance, taking things slow, one at a time. Maybe he'll tell her about his sister one day and maybe she'll tell him about her  _baka-aniki_. One day. But not right now, not when things are still so new and unfamiliar between the two of them once more.

And still, he's afraid of her, of what she could do to his heart. She could smash it into a million pieces and walk away perfectly intact. That's how dangerous she is. That's how it all started back when she was fourteen and gutsy and he was a hotshot rookie in the Shinsengumi.

She takes his hand, and just holds it. It's nice. This is nice. Her not arguing with him is nice. He's learning how to be vulnerable again with her around him once more.

"I'm sorry for being a coward," he finally says. "Look, I - "

"It's all right," she said, and her thumb traces the lines on his palm. "The fact that you're saying sorry is good enough."

"Hey. Don't go on too many dangerous alien hunts, okay? Otherwise I won't be able to brag about how monstrous you really are."

She smiles. "Don't torture the children. Don't kill beetles. Don't let your boss marry  _Anego_."

Okita chuckles. "Gee, tough demands." She leans in forward and he gratefully takes the chance to really kiss her, to get to know her. Even in the public terminal, they forget about everyone around them. It's just the two of them in their own little world, and anyways, he's the police - he can break the rules if he wants to.

But all good things must end. Kagura breaks away, and says, "I gotta go. You know. Space is calling my name, uh-huh."

"Have fun, then," he says. "I don't know how I'll write you back, though."

"I'll come back eventually," Kagura promises. "I heard they have these inter-galactical cell phones that lets you text other people from a gajillion light years away. I'll buy two and deliver one to you."

"I'll count on you to do it, then," Okita replies dryly, but she doesn't miss the sparkle in his eye.

The warmth of her hand finally leaves hers, and life seems a bit colder already.

"Bye, Sougo."

When he bids her farewell, a lump builds in his throat. He guesses this is what Mitsuba might have felt once upon a time.

"Bye, Kagura."

He won't wait for her at the exit terminal - that's a place reserved for the Yorozuyas and her father. He doesn't deserve to stand there yet. But maybe someday he will.

Hell, he might even marry that girl.

-x-


End file.
